Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
