yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
