meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
