I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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