You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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