Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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