I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
