if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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