I am in a vortex of obligation.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
