My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
