you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
