im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
