Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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