I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I lost the right to judge tonight
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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