i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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