Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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