Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
