We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
