Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
