they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
