dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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