nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
