About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
