She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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