we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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