is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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