i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
