we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
