she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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