Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
