JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
