No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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