I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
