I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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