hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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