ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
