I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
