dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
