I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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