How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
