You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
