HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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