ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
