STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
