this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
