I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The best revenge is premature balding
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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