ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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