mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
