so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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