His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
