Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
