Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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