i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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