I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
