I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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