wanna go halves on a baby?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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