I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
