You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
