Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
