if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
