dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
