sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
