You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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