ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
