My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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