Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
