I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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