Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
