I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I cockslap morals
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My dick has a subreddit
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
