The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
