Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so that wasnt chicken after all
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't deserve a penis
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
