is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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