You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
